You know how in most stories about teenage girls, the story starts off with the girl feeling lost, looking around for a place to fit in? To belong? And then, at the end, she finds her "people" and rides off laughing into the sunset.
I grew up thinking, "Someday, I'm going to find a place where I 'belong'." I'd find that right group of people and I'd just feel like the last puzzle piece to their puzzle.
But as I grew up through middle school, and high school, and then graduated high school, that feeling never hit me. In fact, there were times when I would hangout with groups of friends, look around, and think, "What am I even doing here?"
That lead to thoughts of, "Is there something wrong with me?"That lead to trying to force myself to fit in, often doing things I totally didn't agree with just to be part of the "group".
(Now, don't get me wrong. I have some of the best friends in the world. I wouldn't trade the relationships I have with them for anything. Seriously. You should meet my friends. You'd like 'em.)
It wasn't until I was out of high school and a mature adult (::laughs::) that a thought hit me. What if I never find a place where I belong?
Now, that should have scared me. No one likes the idea of spending their whole life wondering if they will ever feel in tune with people.
But I actually started to laugh. So hard that tears streamed down my face.
The idea of never fitting in or belonging anywhere didn't scare me, it filled me with relief. I could finally stop trying to force myself to fit in with people. I could finally stop changing who I was to make other people happy. I could finally just stop.
During that strange laughing moment, I finally realized something. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, because I was not made to belong.
I have, not once, in my entire life felt like I belonged anywhere. And for the longest time, I thought that was a bad thing. But now I know that it is because my destiny is not to belong to humans, but to belong with Christ. I was not put on this earth to fit in. I was put on this earth to realize that the only place I do belong isn't even on this earth.
The place I was made to fit into is by Jesus' side. No where else. He is the only one that I will ever "belong" with. And that's because I was created that way. I was created for the desire to belong with something. But I, mistakenly, thought that I could find that with people. When, in truth, I can only find that with Christ.
I will never find a place where I belong on this earth because I was made for something so much better. And nothing on this planet can satisfy the desire God created me with: The desire to be with Him and only Him.
And that was the most freeing realization.
Now, I am human. So there are moments when I try to fit in with the "crowd" and I do get lonely more than I care to admit. But just knowing that that is okay, makes all the difference.
It's okay to wander around trying to find your "people". It's okay to get lonely. That is all perfectly okay. It is just a reminder that you were created for so much more than this earth can give you.
If you (in anyway) can relate to stumbling around trying to find your "people", well, I would like to officially introduce you to the Jesus Club. Bring your quirks and your awkward childhood photos. You are welcome You are loved. You belong here. Welcome home.
Kimberly :)
