Even to Bavaria.

Last year was incredible. 

For those of you who don't know, I had the chance to tour with the Institute for Cultural Communicators as a Touring Intern. For 5 months, I was on a team with 11 other people and we traveled around the country putting on communication and leadership conferences for students between the ages of 6-19. 

Yeah. It was pretty boss... For many reasons that I won't go into. But my favorite part was walking away with 11 best friends.

During one of the last days of tour, I was talking with one of my favorite people, Bethany, and we were talking about what life would be like once we got home.

I shared with her that I wasn't sure what I'd do when I got home. Maybe school? Maybe work? Maybe learn how to make Kimchi (A recent obsession of mine)? I wasn't sure. 

She replied, "That's kind of cool though, don't you think? You can go home with no plans and no expectations. You can be very open handed about life." (Side note: This bit of advice went on to inspire my other blogpost called The Dash Between Point A and Point B)

Huh. Hadn't thought of that. And, to be honest, I kind of liked the sound of that. So, right there, I remember thinking, "Alright, Jesus. I'll do my best to be open handed. I may need help with that." I could almost picture Him laughing and smiling at me. "But, it's yours." I thought. "I'll follow you wherever you go." 

Fast forward two months. I found myself sitting in my friend's kitchen. I was talking with her and her mother about when they lived in Europe. I was fangirling because, you know, Europe. And the Mom said to me, "My cousin is looking for an Au Pair (a domestic assistant from a foreign country working for, and living as part of, a host family). Is that something you'd be interested in?" 

I quickly found myself shaking my head. I had plans. I had goals. And being an Au Pair didn't fit into those plans. 

As I was shaking my head, a random memory popped into my head: Me, sitting with Bethany, quietly telling Jesus I was going to be open handed about my life. 

"Well," My friend's Mom said, "I'll email them and see if they're still looking for an Au Pair. Just in case." 

The next few months looked like this: 

Me: "So. Mom. Dad. There might be an opportunity for me to go be an Au Pair in Bavaria!"
Mom and Dad: "Wait. What?"

An email from a family on the other side of the world titled: Au Pair in Germany. 

Me Googling: "Do they serve good coffee in Germany?" #priorities 

Lots of conversations with my family. Lots of prayer.

An interview with me sitting with my parents in my Dad's office because my Dad wanted to be there to meet the family.

And finally:
Me actually writing out the words to the family, "After talking with my family, I decided that I would love to come out and be your Au Pair!"

I told Jesus that I'd be open handed about my life and that I'd follow Him wherever He'd go. I guess I just didn't realize the power those words had to change my life. 

Now, here is the thing: This time last year, I never would have accepted this opportunity. I had a plan, a map I was following: School, job, career, getting married, etc. Being an Au Pair in a different country? That wasn't even on my radar. 

But here's what I'm learning, as nice as I like to think my plans are, they are never as amazing, or whimsical, or as magical as Jesus' plans. And, if I'd just slow down and stop telling Jesus what I would like to do, I'd get to experience the fullness and completeness of those plans.

So, yes. Me moving to another country is scary. I don't speak the language (Although, I am learning. Bless you, Rosetta Stone). This will be my first big thing without my family. I'll have to take even more time off of school. I won't be able to get a "normal job" until I get back. I'll be leaving behind everything I'm comfortable with, stepping completely out of my country and comfort zone. 

And as scary as this may seem, I'm not scared. I don't feel flustered with the fact that my life isn't on my track. Why? 

I get to meet a beautiful family on the other side of this world, get to explore a different continent, get to discover more of who I am, etc. But most importantly, I get to experience Jesus on a level I know I haven't experienced Him before. And to me, that's so worth it.

Living open-handed means being okay with your life looking completely different than everyone else's lives. It means taking the time to slow down and realize that the Creator of life and time itself is with you every single day. It means realizing that this life is so much bigger and so much more beautiful than you can ever imagine. 

5 months ago I told Jesus that He was free to mold my life and that I was (finally) going to begin the long journey of surrender. I told Him I'd follow Him wherever He went. 

Now, 5 months later, I have a German power adapter, a green umbrella and lots of German kids books. I have no idea what my life will look like 3 months from now. I know this whole experience is so different than anything I could have ever pictured myself doing. 

I promised that I'd be open handed, loosely holding my dreams and plans, and that I'd follow Jesus anywhere. And I still mean that. 

I will follow Him wherever He wants me to go, even to Bavaria. 

Kimberly :)

P.S. A song that I have on repeat while writing this blogpost is "7 Years: Rewritten by Leah Guest." A line that's sticking out to me, "Soon, I'll be sixty years old and God will show me that He was by my side through my every heartbeat." <3

The Dash Between Point A and Point B.

I love deadlines. And goals. And time lines. And data points. I love having a concrete date to shoot for, something to struggle towards, with a definite finish line complete with confetti and ribbons. When I don't have a goal, I feel like I'm not making progress, and I struggle to complete what I'm working on. 

That might sound good at first. That means that I can set a goal and make sure I stick to it. But imagine living like that. 

I have to have a goal and a timeline for everything and everyone. For the longest time, I had a pretty good goal/timeline for my life. Get married by this age. Graduate in this year. Get a job at this place. I had my goals. And I had something to work towards. 

But that meant that every time something came along that disrupted my goals, I'd get frustrated with myself, with Jesus, with where I was in my progress report. So I'd try to reshuffle my goals to account for the "interruption" and then strive for the new goals. Up until something else would come up. And repeat. 

That constant struggle, me making plans, Jesus not following my plans, me getting frustrated and trying to remake my plans all stem from a Destination Mindset. I live for the destination. I don't care how I get to my goal as long as it's the fastest, easiest and most efficient route. I live with the destination in mind. 

And I completely forget what beautiful scenery is around me on the way to my destination.

Jesus, unlike me, lives with a Journey Mindset. Sure, he knows where I'll end up and how I'll get there. But he isn't focused on the end point. He's focused on the process of getting there. 

I'm focused on getting from point A to point B. Jesus is focused on the dash between the two.

And I'm beginning to realize how much I want to have Jesus' mindset of the journey. 

When you have a journey mindset, you get to slow down and focus on being present. There's no need to rush anywhere, because you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You can extravagantly invest in the people around you. Because changing them isn't the goal. Simply being with them is the goal. 

Failure isn't this big horrendous, earth shattering thing to worry about. Because I know that the learning process of the failure will be beautiful and so worth it. 

It drops the need to compare myself to others. They are also on their own unique journey that looks completely different than mine. And I get to be a small part of their journey. 

It means that if I have to take more time off from school to do something that wasn't part of my plan, that isn't a bad thing. It means that my journey is going to have a greater focus on experiencing things instead of academic grades. 

It means that when people try to tell me where I should be in my life, I can just smile and shrug it off.  Because I know that my journey is beautiful and that I don't need their approval in the process of the journey.

It means that when things are hard, and I feel miserable, I have the courage to keep going, because I know that this isn't my end point. This is just a little dash on the map, a small part of my adventure.

And it means that Jesus isn't a sectioned time block in the morning for me to stop and pray to. Learning more about Jesus, growing in Him and with Him, is the journey. And I am so thankful that He allows me to embark on that journey every single morning.

So, take it from someone who suffers from Goal Mindset. You can spend your whole life trying to check off boxes and getting frustrated when Jesus takes you down a road that wasn't on your map. Or, you can slow down, hear how many times a day Jesus says, "I love you", and appreciate the beautiful scenery that you're driving through. 

The scenery, and the beautiful Creator who is right there with you through all of it, is worth all of the unchecked boxes you may have at the end of the day. Trust me.

Kimberly