I'm Weird.

I am so so weird. 

I don't say this in a weird/condescending way about myself. I am just stating a fact. I. Am. Weird. 

But that's a good thing.

A few weeks ago, one of my friends said to me, "You like some of the weirdest things. I don't understand you at all." I think they meant it as a joke, but, at the time, I didn't think it was very funny. 

"I am weird," I thought in response to that comment. Yeah. I like stuff that not very many people like, and, if you ask about my latest obsession, I will talk your ear off about it. 

That night, as I was sitting in bed reading Treasure Island by Robert Lewis Stevenson for the umpteenth time, I started to feel a bit insecure. Was I weird? Was I too weird? 

I started to think about all of the things about myself that people might consider "weird". I don't like olives. I am a total History nerd.  Disney movies are really the only movies that I watch. Yeah. I am weird. 

But, in the back of my mind, I heard this tiny little voice (AKA Jesus) say, "You're weird because I made you weird. The unique things about you, I will use for my Kingdom." 

Naturally, I laughed at the tiny little voice. I randomly shuffled through my list of weirdness, and thought , "If you made me this way, then have my love for... Disney movies benefit your Kingdom." 

As I am beginning to learn, I think Jesus does things in our lives, sits back, and smiles to himself a bit. 

The next morning, I received a Facebook message from one of my friends asking if I would be willing to go up with her and few other girls dress up like Disney princesses and go to a Children's Hospital. 

At the time, I didn't piece this together at all. 

But a few weeks later, there I was, in full costume as Rapunzel (My favorite Disney princess too, I might add), standing in a Meet and Greet line talking to little kids. 

There was this one girl (We will call her "Suzy") that just ran up to me. 

"Rapunzel!" She cried, and gave me the biggest hug ever (Like, it knocked me back a bit). 

For the next few minutes, she just talked and talked about how Tangled was her favorite movie. She wanted to know how Pascal and Maximus and Eugene were doing, how long it took me to brush my hair in the morning, etc. And then we talked about how long it took her to do her hair (She had long blonde hair like Rapunzel) She just talked and talked and talked. 

And I got to sit there and listen with the biggest smile on my face.

After hugging "Suzy" goodbye, her mother came up to me. She, too, gave me a hug and said, "Today was a really rough day. We just got back from seeing the Doctor and..." She sighed. "And seeing you all here just made her (Suzy's) day. Thank you." She gave me another hug and said, "I don't think it was a coincidence that you were here today." 

Now, I don't know if she was a Christian or not, or if she was thinking at all about a divine plan when she said that. But for me, that was a wake up call. 

"If you made me this way, then have my love for... Disney movies benefit your Kingdom." 

I could almost hear Jesus laughing a bit. 

He had taken the most random thing about me, and shown me that He could use it for His glory. He took the fact that I am a sucker for musical numbers, and magic, glowing hair, and floating lanterns, and used that to help make a little girl's day better. 

That, to say the least, changed how I viewed myself. 

Every little thing about me, and I mean every little thing (My hair, my height, my fascination with aquariums, hey, even my shoe size), was specifically created for God to use to benefit his Kingdom. Every. Little. Thing. 

For example: 
My blonde hair. I have had people start up whole conversations with me by first talking about my hair. Conversations that opened up a door to a stranger that otherwise would have been closed to me. 

My love for coffee. I once got into intense conversation with a barista at Starbucks about the different kinds of coffee. And that conversation eventually morphed into him sharing his whole life story with me. And then I was able to share mine. And then we started to talk about Jesus. 

I'm not insecure about myself anymore. About how much I adore hummingbirds, or how many people think that my passion for music is a bit strange. Yes. I still think I am weird. But I am intentionally weird. 

And now, I am filled with anticipation. How is He going to use my love for Converse to benefit His Kingdom? How is He going to use my need to always have a clean windshield while driving to benefit His Kingdom?

I am weird. I am so weird. And I love it.

So, now I am going to ask you something. Think of the most random, strange, weird thing about you.   

How do you think God is going to use that "weird" thing to benefit His Kingdom? Because I am willing to bet that He will use that "weird" thing in the most amazing, life-changing way possible. 

Enjoying my weirdness,
Kimberly :)

How To Find Where You Belong

You know how in most stories about teenage girls, the story starts off with the girl feeling lost, looking around for a place to fit in? To belong? And then, at the end, she finds her "people" and rides off laughing into the sunset.

While this is a nice story, and makes for a great Disney film, it is not my story. 

I grew up thinking, "Someday, I'm going to find a place where I 'belong'." I'd find that right group of people and I'd just feel like the last puzzle piece to their puzzle. 

But as I grew up through middle school, and high school, and then graduated high school, that feeling never hit me. In fact, there were times when I would hangout with groups of friends, look around, and think, "What am I even doing here?" 

That lead to thoughts of, "Is there something wrong with me?"That lead to trying to force myself to fit in, often doing things I totally didn't agree with just to be part of the "group". 

(Now, don't get me wrong. I have some of the best friends in the world. I wouldn't trade the relationships I have with them for anything. Seriously. You should meet my friends. You'd like 'em.) 

It wasn't until I was out of high school and a mature adult (::laughs::) that a thought hit me. What if I never find a place where I belong? 

Now, that should have scared me. No one likes the idea of spending their whole life wondering if they will ever feel in tune with people.

But I actually started to laugh. So hard that tears streamed down my face. 

The idea of never fitting in or belonging anywhere didn't scare me, it filled me with relief. I could finally stop trying to force myself to fit in with people. I could finally stop changing who I was to make other people happy. I could finally just stop.

During that strange laughing moment, I finally realized something. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, because I was not made to belong. 

I have, not once, in my entire life felt like I belonged anywhere. And for the longest time, I thought that was a bad thing. But now I know that it is because my destiny is not to belong to humans, but to belong with Christ. I was not put on this earth to fit in. I was put on this earth to realize that the only place I do belong isn't even on this earth. 

The place I was made to fit into is by Jesus' side. No where else. He is the only one that I will ever "belong" with. And that's because I was created that way. I was created for the desire to belong with something. But I, mistakenly, thought that I could find that with people. When, in truth, I can only find that with Christ.

I will never find a place where I belong on this earth because I was made for something so much better. And nothing on this planet can satisfy the desire God created me with: The desire to be with Him and only Him. 

And that was the most freeing realization. 

Now, I am human. So there are moments when I try to fit in with the "crowd" and I do get lonely more than I care to admit. But just knowing that that is okay, makes all the difference.

It's okay to wander around trying to find your "people". It's okay to get lonely. That is all perfectly okay. It is just a reminder that you were created for so much more than this earth can give you. 

If you (in anyway) can relate to stumbling around trying to find your "people", well, I would like to officially introduce you to the Jesus Club. Bring your quirks and your awkward childhood photos. You are welcome You are loved. You belong here. Welcome home. 

Kimberly :)

The Truth About Relationships

   So, lately I have been in that weird stage of life where I feel like almost all of my friends either like someone, are in a relationship or getting married. (If you think I'm joking, you should see my news feed. It's like a Nicolas Sparks movie.) 

   Now, I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Friends are getting together that I have been hoping would get together for years. So, yay!

   But one time, I overheard a woman at the grocery store say, "I honestly just want someone that's going to love me. Someone that will make me feel perfect and wanted. That's all I want."

   As I was thinking about this, I realized how much I disagreed with it.

   You don't go into a relationship wanting to feel good, or to have someone else love you and tell you that you're perfect.

   Something that God has been showing me is that in any relationship (Friendship, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.) the whole point of the relationship should be about the other person, not about you.

   If you date someone simply because they make you feel good, you're going to be miserable. Because there will be moments when you don't feel good around them.

   To me, when you go into a relationship, it should be because you like the other person so much that you want to spend more time and more energy to make them happy. 

   Because think about it. What if you had two people in a relationship that were so entirely focused on making the other person happy? You would have two very happy people. 

   I think in today's society we have fallen into the trap of selfishness. We want what we want when we want it, and we want it now. We want someone else to make us feel good, make us feel accepted. When in truth, the only person that is ever going to make you feel 100% accepted is Jesus. 

   What if, instead of trying to find someone that will make you happy, you tried to find someone to make them happy?

- "Love is not singular except in syllable." - Marvin Taylor 

- "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." - John 15:13

   Just food for thought. ;)

   Kimberly